Fixation (Magnetic Desires Book 3) Read online

  I didn’t have an answer for him over whether we could move forward together, or whether I could leave my fear of failure behind, but that didn’t stop me from remembering his hands on me, inside me, and craving more. I missed the crazed passion that had come with his anger when we’d first found each other again. Soaping my palms, I ran them over my breasts as I allowed the image of the first time he spread me out on his desk to linger in minute detail. Tweaking a nipple between my fingers, I pictured the way he’d used his mouth on my tits to draw pleasure to my core. I wandered my fingers down between my thighs. Oh God, the way he’d licked and nipped at my pussy. The memory came to life while I rubbed at the already sensitive spot.

  It took only a moment to finish myself off and then I squeezed shampoo into my hand and rubbed it vigorously into my scalp. Did I have any right to think about doing those things with him when I wasn’t certain I could give him what he wanted? I couldn’t deny my body craved his touch. Each time he’d stolen a kiss or a touch over the past couple of weeks, he’d only stoked the fire, and Sunday afternoon had barely taken the edge off. But he was asking too much, wanting us to be a family.

  I ran conditioner through my hair, rinsed, and shut off the water. A dead man carried most of the blame for our failure, but it was more than that. We’d always had the fire, the spark, but the trust hadn’t been an easy thing for us. Could we put the past behind us and try again, or would I always wonder when life would come between us?

  It wasn’t only him and I the future affected, and I couldn’t let our daughter carry the burden of our mistakes. I snagged a towel and dried off before combing my hair and throwing it up in a loose bun. Shoving on an old sweatshirt and pair of jeans, I opened the door and headed down to dinner, leaving my desire locked in the bedroom.

  Chapter Thirty

  Leo

  I had a plan to get her to remember that we were good together. It wasn’t going to be easy. She’d always been stubborn, and I’d given her enough to be stubborn about, but her using our daughter as an excuse to not want to be together wasn’t strong enough to keep me from getting her back. The ground between us was littered with years of damage, individual and together, but even then, I found myself drawn to her, and she couldn’t deny feeling the same.

  Getting Mike to ask me to stay for dinner had been a stroke of luck, or perhaps not, since I’d refused to budge until Lola got home. Making sure the only reasonable spot for her to sit was beside me had been a little harder at the large dining table.

  "You know what makes this sauce great?" Mike smirked as he ladled creamy sauce over the chicken he’d cut up on Tia’s plate. "Time, patience, and persistence. You have to stir it enough that the herbs infuse properly, and then you have to let it settle. You have to give it time to—"

  "And you’re not talking about sauce at all."

  He put the dish back on the table and sat down. "No, I’m not."

  My elbows resting on the table, I steepled my fingers under my chin. "How’s that working out for you?"

  Wincing, he scrubbed his hand down the back of his neck. "Well, the sauce worked out pretty well."

  I chuckled. "Birdie told me sometimes you have to be pushy."

  Mike’s eyebrows shot up. "She said that?"

  "Yeah."

  "Wonders will never cease." He stretched out in his seat.

  My gaze drifted to Lola as she entered the room. A tic started in my cheek at the site of the old gray sweatshirt and ripped jeans. She was trying to make herself undesirable by covering up in baggy clothes, but it only made me more intent on getting her out of them. Glancing about the table, her eyes widened when she realized she’d have to sit beside me, or alone at the other end of the table. Her fingers twitched and tugged at the hem of her sweatshirt while she crossed the room to take the seat I hoped she would use.

  The sweet smell of some coconut marshmallow concoction she’d layered on hit my senses hard, making my mouth water. I leaned closer, drinking in the scent of her, and laid my hand on her knee. "Good shower?"

  She jumped, her fork clattering against the plate. "So, Mike, how was work today?"

  I picked up my knife and fork and tucked into the food in front of me while Lola made small talk with Mike in an effort to look unaffected by being so close to me. But, if the way her leg brushed against mine every now and then was any indication, she was struggling to keep her thoughts on the conversation and off me.

  With dinner finished, Lola stood and gathered plates.

  Mike stood, too. "How about you two ladies go spend some time together, and Leo can help me clean up."

  "All right." Lola put the plates on the table. "Come on, princess. Let’s get you ready for bed."

  The two girls left the dining room hand in hand and I stared after them, my chest tight.

  "Hard, isn’t it? Having everything you want right in front of you and not being able to grab it." Mike patted my shoulder and strode out ahead of me.

  I bit my tongue, not wanting to call him on his big brother attitude, but wondering why he took it on himself to be that person. While my old man had a certain talent when it came to stocks and bonds, and had in his infinite wisdom provided my brother and I with both the knowledge to follow in his footsteps, and a good financial start in life, Mike had risen from the dirt, slinging houses, until he could have anything he wanted. Hell, the man should have been able to get whatever he wanted without the money, but for some reason he seemed more than content to work hard and watch the world go by.

  The girls were in the living room when we finished cleaning the kitchen. Mike poured scotch into glasses on the bar and handed one to me. Tia sat on the floor in front of Lola, who wielded a brush with a skill that made me feel awkward and clumsy. She glanced up to find me staring at her. "Do you want to do it?"

  I gulped. "No. You have it under control."

  A challenge in her gaze, she brandished the brush in my direction. "Come on, Dad, you’re going to have to learn to do this sooner or later."

  I shoved my empty hand in my pocket. "Maybe later."

  "Maybe now?" Tia gazed up at me with wide eyes, her mouth turned up in a pout that she knew I struggled to say no to.

  Mike chuckled.

  "Fine." I took a seat on the couch beside Lola and took the proffered brush. "What do I do?"

  She bumped her shoulder against mine. "This part is easy. You know how to brush or comb don’t you?"

  "Of course I do, but what if I hurt her?"

  "I’ve gotten rid of the knots."

  I sat forward and placed my palm on the top of Tia’s head, running the brush down through the length of hair. "Okay, that wasn’t so bad. I guess I could—"

  "Now you need to braid it." Lola hid a chuckle behind her fingers.

  Mike guffawed. "Good luck, man."

  "I have to do what?" I darted glances between the two of them, sure I’d been set up.

  "Braid it, Daddy." Tia lifted her hand up to show me the rainbow colored hair ties clutched between her fingers.

  "I don’t—"

  "Here." Lola started the braid. "It’s not that hard."

  "You’ve had years of practice." I gaped.

  Touching my hands, she moved my fingers over Tia’s hair. "Over, under, over, under, see."

  I trapped her hand with mine and gave it a light squeeze. "I think I got it."

  Her gaze darted down to my lap before she left the couch to stand on the other side of the room with Mike. I concentrated on finishing Tia’s hair, my chest puffing up when I secured it with the elastic. Tia jumped up and climbed onto the couch beside me, snuggling into my side and I kissed her cheek. "It’s good to know I’m not completely useless."

  "Of course you’re not," Lola said.

  There was that glance at my crotch again. I turned my attention to my little girl, needing to concentrate on her so I wouldn’t show how much Lola affected me. Tia yawned, and I glanced at the clock. Bedtime wasn’t far away, and then I’d concentrate on the woman who,
despite how hard she tried to appear unaffected, couldn’t hide what she wanted.

  Each time I stole a moment with her brought her closer to giving in, and tonight I’d push her to the edge. I would remind her how good we were together, not only when it came to sex, but in the simple moments.

  A small snore escaped from the little body beside me. In mere minutes, I'd be able to slide my hands up Lola’s thighs and dig my fingers in between her legs. I’d push her to give me another chance in and out of the bedroom, not for our daughter’s sake, but for ours.

  Chapter Thirty-One

  Lola

  "I better get her to bed." Going over to them, I reached out to take her from him.

  "Hold up." He gripped my elbow. "I’ll do it." In one fluid motion he stood, Tia in his arms. She yawned and opened her eyes to slits while she wound her arms around his neck.

  "I’ve got work to do." Mike picked up his glass and headed to his study, leaving the three of us alone. I’d kill him later, while he slept, for putting me in this position.

  Leo took to the stairs, and I followed. "It’s the first door on the right."

  Pushing the door wide with his foot, he carried her into the cotton candy pink room. I dashed around him to pull back the blankets, and he laid her down. Droopy lids lifted as her head rested on the pillow and she smiled. "Goodnight, Daddy."

  He pulled the blanket up not quite to her chin and leaned over her to smooth her hair back from her face before he pressed his lips to her forehead. "Night, princess."

  He’d fallen quickly into role of father, and these small gestures between them pulled at my heart. Slipping beside him, I tugged the covers up a little more. She was still my baby and this was still my routine. Stepping back and letting me take over, he cleared his throat but didn’t comment on the way I took control.

  "Come on." Ushering him out the door, I shut off the light. "Thank you for spending so much time with her."

  He gripped my wrist as I started for the stairs. "I want to spend time with her. I want to spend time with you."

  The simple hold of his thumb and finger against my wrist sparked desire. "Damn, Leo. How do you even stand it?"

  His forehead creased as he dragged me closer. My pulse fluttered under his fingers. "I can only assume by the way you haven’t been able to keep your eyes off my crotch for the past hour, you’re asking how I can stand to be this close to you and not combust from how much I want you."

  "Mmm." I nodded as he slid his other hand from my elbow to my shoulder.

  He cocked his head. A sly grin formed as he brushed his thumb over my collarbone. "I jack off a lot."

  "Figures." My voice came out a lot breathier than I meant for it to.

  "You know, this is the first time I’ve seen you without make up on since we found each other again." He moved the pad of his thumb slowly from my collarbone to the base of my throat.

  The rigid raised scar ached under his touch and I winced. "It’s not something we need to talk about."

  "I know enough."

  "Do you?"

  "I should have listened to you."

  "You should of." I nodded. "But you didn’t." The question I didn’t ask was in the lilt in my voice.

  "I searched for you when you disappeared. Hired a private investigator."

  My heart thumped as his thumb circled the vein in my wrist.

  "He finally came through."

  "A little too late."

  "It’s never too late for us, sweetheart. We have forever."

  I shook my head as he lowered his face an inch from my mouth. My lips tingled in response to his gaze. "We can’t afford to change the status quo. Our daughter—"

  He nipped at my jaw, and nuzzled my throat over the scar. "Let me take care of you."

  "No." A sharp intake of breath accompanied the word. It would be so easy to give in to him and let him convince me, but what if it all fell apart again?

  He wandered his hand down between my breasts and over my belly to the apex of my thighs. "I mean let me take care of the itch that you’re trying so damn hard to hide from me."

  The slight pressure of his fingers on my crotch was almost unbearable as need pooled in my core. "It can’t mean anything."

  "Tia comes first," he murmured against my throat, his heated breath sending a shiver through me. "But tonight, I want to make you come first."

  Stumbling across the landing with him in tow, I pulled him into the dark bedroom. He flicked on the light and shut the door behind us before dragging me back into his arms. "Is this your room?"

  A nervous clucking sound started in my throat. My room was my sanctuary. If I let him in there, I’d never get the smell of him out of my linen. Best not to make it harder to keep this purely physical, and only for the night. "Does it matter?"

  "No." He wrapped his arm around my shoulders cradling me against his hard chest. "Not for what I have in mind."

  "And what’s that?" I arched my neck when he began to nibble along my nape from hairline to shoulder. I should have been able to fight him. It had been two short hours since I’d tried to ease my own frustration, but it had done nothing to sate me, not like he could.

  My skin prickled, goosebumps forming along my arms as he smoothed a palm down to my waist and gripped the sweatshirt hem. Slowly and with intense control, he lifted it while he guided my hands up. He kissed my knuckles and dragged the shirt up my arms, his palms caressing my bare flesh. The cold air kissed my skin and I shivered; each touch or lack thereof having its own effect on the tight spring of need in my belly. Again, his hands caressed my arms as they descended, the sweatshirt hanging from between his fingers. Dropping it, he spread his palms across my belly. "I wouldn't have known you carried my child. You look exactly the same."

  "Not exactly." My pulse threaded in my neck, the sound of my blood rushing in my ears.

  His fingertips tripped over the puckered star shaped scar between the third and fourth ribs on my left. It burned cold under his examination but the heat of his breath on my ear left me trembling.

  "I did notice this one when we were… is it from that night?"

  I shook my head and a tear slipped down my cheek. "No, he broke three ribs that night but the scar…" I gulped and squeezed my eyes shut while he traced the line of my ribs, feeling the abnormal lumps of scar tissue he couldn’t see. “The scar’s from the day he caught me."

  He slipped around me and cupped my cheeks with his palms, nibbling along my bottom lip while his thumb brushed the wetness from my face. "I’m sorry."

  I shrugged. "You don’t need to keep saying sorry. What’s done is done."

  He touched his fingers to my mouth and my tongue darted out to lick at the tips. I wanted to drop the conversation and get down to the part of the night that would leave me sated and relaxed. Caressing my throat, between my breasts, and over my belly, he slipped his fingers into the waistband of my jeans to brush against my mound. "No panties?"

  Another shiver at the heat in his gaze and a flutter of a tickle in my pelvis made me groan and tilt my hips forward.

  He cupped the back of my head, his lips whispering below my earlobe as he inched his fingers farther into my pants. "Easy, sweetheart. I’m going to give you what you need."

  What I needed was for him to rip my pants off, toss me on the bed and fuck me senseless. I gripped his shoulders, digging into the corded muscle while he stroked my slit and over the nerves that wanted to shatter at the lightest of touches.

  His breath dragged against my throat, a slow groan building in his chest. Under my hands, his body was tense, rigid, poised to strike, but he held himself in check. The self-control he exuded was beyond anything I could manage. My need amped up and I moved against him involuntarily, jagged breaths turning into whimpering pants. Could I explode like this, when he was barely touching me? "Leo, I need…"

  The orgasm was quick. A shudder that ran from my clit to my outer extremities, making me stretch in his arms.

  "There we go. Just relax.
" Tugging at the button on my pants until it came free, he hooked both hands into my jeans and pushed them down, the heat of his palms against my hips creating a current of energy over my skin. He lowered himself to his knees, layering kisses down my front and slid my pants to my feet. My breath caught in my throat when he leaned forward, resting his forehead against my belly, his lips pressed against my pelvis. It felt almost too much for my body, my heartbeat thready, like if the sensations inside me were any more intense I would lose my tether to reality.

  He lifted my ankle, and I clutched at his shoulders for balance while he tugged my pants free, following with the other ankle. My foot resting in his palm, he danced his fingers over the scar that ran from mid calf to the back of my knee. I could feel his forehead gather against my belly.

  "I didn’t see this one. How could I have missed it?" The tremble in his voice, the deep sadness that overlaid such simple words had my eyes burning.

  I gripped my lip between my teeth to keep the wobble from my chin. "We were focusing on other things."

  He shook his head, the texture of his hair against my abdomen heightened by the sensitivity of my skin. "Tell me now?"

  "I thought we were in here to—"

  "Tell me, Lolly." This time it was a demand, full of gravel. "I need to know how badly I let you down."

  "After he…" My voice cracked, barely a whisper and I cleared my throat as he lowered my foot to the floor. I concentrated on the sound of our breathing, using it to steady me. "After he found me, after he forced me to leave with him…" Going back broke me. Remembered injuries opened up, aching and painful. I pressed my lips together, not sure I could get the words past the block between my chest and throat.