Fixation (Magnetic Desires Book 3) Read online

  Jumping off the bike, I threw the door open and stormed into the kitchen, opening one cupboard after another in search of the bottle of whisky I always kept on hand.

  "Shit." I growled. The last of my whiskey sat on the table outside, the lid still off from where I left it last night. Bugs floated in the amber liquid. I tossed the bottle in the trashcan. The plastic on my pack of cigarettes crinkled as I shuffled one out, before dropping the pack on the table. Sticking it between my lips, I lit up and dragged the smoke into my lungs. Without whisky to dull the edge of my anger, I focused on her in the window. Her hands all over him as she responded to his kiss the way she'd responded to me. Fucking con artist. Smoke curled into the air in front of me as the cigarette paper burned to ash with a hiss. Every one said smoking would kill you, but Lola was giving me a damn aneurism.

  Scratching at my neck, I tried to ease the prickling itch that came with the residual anger and butted out the cigarette in the tin ashtray. Dragging another out, I held the lighter to the end. It was time to end this thing. To let her know I knew her game. By the time I was done with her, she'd wish she never met me.

  Shoving the cigarette back in the pack, I went inside and snagged juice from the fridge, drinking it straight from the carton. The tension I held inside was getting worse, but this wasn’t the type of thing you could blow away with the smoke. Deep seated in my chest, it burned and built each time my mind dragged me back to Lola. I shoved the carton back in the fridge.

  Stalking through to the bedroom, I shed my shirt before heading to the shower. With a jerk of my wrist, hot water hissed, steam quickly filling the bathroom, and I slammed the door shut, giving my undivided attention to my image in the mirror.

  With my fingers, I traced out the enso that covered my left pectoral and peaked at my shoulder, the circle not yet complete. I was older, harder, and wiser than I had been when I got that tattoo, but not enough that I'd been able to completely shut out the woman who could destroy me. Travelling my hand across to the tombstone on my right pectoral, I covered the name of a girl I shouldn't have been involved with spread beneath it; a reminder not to get involved with women who could destroy me. Lola should have been different, but yet again, I teetered on the edge of destruction, because of a woman. Gritting my teeth, I let the green-eyed monster over my brother finding a girl who made him a better man mix with my anger. Betrayal was the only thing I found in the arms of a woman.

  Finally, I traced out her name, smack bang in the middle, letting my fingers bring the word to life in my mind. Some people would say that to tattoo her name on my body after she disappeared was stupidity. That it was nothing but a reminder of what she had done to me. So many things in my life were a reminder of her. I kept them to keep me from making the same mistake again. Her name on my skin was more than that. The dark ink across my chest was a lock I kept on my heart. A reminder that it was inaccessible to anyone, because though she had proved herself unworthy, she kept that part of me all these years. Tonight I would take it back.

  Steam finally obscured my vision and I stepped into the shower. Each time she’d come to me, anger and desire had clouded my vision. But no longer would she have that effect on me. Enough was enough. Tonight she'd proven me right. She was rotten to the core, and I was done with her. When she told me her lies, it had to be on my terms. I wanted her to feel the pain she’d caused me, still caused me even now. Shutting off the water, I grabbed a towel and dried off.

  I didn’t know if anything she’d told me was the truth but I remembered how she’d flinched and trembled as she told me about her life before we met. Back then, I'd wanted to protect her. Now I would use it to make her feel shame at what she had done.

  I’d make her dance for me the way she used to for other men. Pull her seedy past into the present, and make her feel the gritty dirtiness of shameful memories and pretend that while she told me her lies for one second she had some real emotion over destroying what we had.

  My blood pumped through me as I dressed, energy creeping beneath my skin. The night was still young, and waiting for the moment I got to make her hurt as much as she’d hurt me was agony. I was going to tear her lies apart and reveal the truth at the rotten core of her deception tonight. My gut twisted. She was still so far under my skin that even knowing she wasn't the girl I wanted, the fallout of ending her hold on me would stay with me for a long time to come.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Lola

  "What kind of time do you call this, Leo?" I yawned.

  "Oh, did I wake you?" His voice gave away his smirk. "Get that precious little ass of yours down to your office and bring something sexy and pink."

  "I don’t have anything pink."

  "Really?" He huffed. "Fine, whatever you have on will do."

  Shifting around in the bed, I tossed back the covers. There was no way I was going in the nude. "I’ll be right there."

  Climbing out of bed, I went to the bathroom to clean up. Heavy bags filled the space between cheekbones and eyes, and I pushed the puffy skin around with the tips of my fingers. The dreams of Brady didn’t wake me up anymore, but they still happened. More often than not, I woke with my gut knotted and the memory of Brady at the edge of my waking mind. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d woken up with energy.

  Makeup to cover the bags and scars I wasn’t willing to expose to the world and a quick comb through my hair had me ready to leave the house. Tia was fast asleep in her bed, and I leaned over her to tuck the covers tighter around her. She snuggled under, and my chest puffed up at how perfect my baby was. Kissing her chubby cheeks, I ached to tell her about Leo and him about her. Maybe he only wanted sex, but it wasn't enough. I'd tell him tonight, about his daughter and everything else that had kept us apart. He'd get angry. He'd try to avoid it, but even if I had to force him to listen I wouldn't let him go until he heard me out. It was way past time to put our family back together. My heart leaped at the thought and I tread carefully downstairs to pour coffee into a travel mug.

  "What's going on?" Mike wandered into the kitchen wearing boxers and a loose grey shirt. He scrubbed a hand over his face and then glanced at the travel mug in my hand. "Where are you heading at three in the morning?"

  "I just have something I need to deal with. Is it okay?"

  He peered at me closely, his brow bunching. "Sure. I'm going to spend the rest of the night in my office. If Tia wakes up I'll take care of her."

  "You don't sleep much." It was a random observation, born from nights I'd tossed and turned only to hear his truck backing out of the driveway at all hours of the night.

  He shrugged. "You don't get anywhere in life by wasting it on sleep."

  While his answer made sense, it didn't ring true. I wondered if he too found the quiet of night filled with thoughts of what had been, and what could be. But Leo was waiting, so I shook it off, and picked up the keys. Mike’s sleep issues would wait. "I shouldn't be long."

  It was a quick trip to Poleverize, and when I got there, he was waiting, leaning against the wall with that cocky smirk plastered on his face. My gut twisted at the hardness to his features, but I jumped out of the truck and made my way over to him. "Why the office, Leo?"

  Stepping past him, I unlocked the door before turning off the security. He followed me in, his hands going to my waist to spin me into him hard. "I want you to dance for me."

  "What?" I glanced up at him, our heads almost colliding. "Are you serious?"

  "Deadly." With a swat to my ass, he hurried me into the dance studio.

  Glaring at him over my shoulder, I planted my feet at the door. "I don’t think so."

  "Why not, tiny dancer? You’ve done it for so many men over the years. Don’t you think the man you married deserves to watch you work?"

  "The man I married wasn’t an asshole," I ground out. "Why are you being like this?"

  "Because…" He crushed me to him, and I could feel how turned on he was by the idea of me dancing for him. "...you expect me to listen
to your lies, and you know what will happen?"

  "You’ll realize that you’re wrong not to trust me."

  "I doubt that," he pressed his lips to my ear. "For the first time I’m seeing you clearly. Tell me your lies. Was any part of the woman I once loved real?”

  She was real all right. Flesh and blood right in front of him, but he was blind to me. His anger barely constrained, made his words sting, and the idea of dancing for him made my belly churn. “Can’t we just talk? Do you think making me do this is going to make it easier for you to believe me?

  “Something like that.” He smirked.

  Last night he’d been sweet, almost tender when we danced in his backyard. Now his harshness overwhelmed me, but if I did this he’d listen wouldn’t he? I huffed and stalked over to the CD player. “Fine, I’ll do it.”

  I’d swing around the damn pole for him in my underwear if that’s what he needed, because under his twisted demand he was asking me to give him a reason to believe in us again.

  "I didn’t run away in the first place."

  He cocked an eyebrow. "You could have fooled me."

  "You’re a fool, Leo." With a flick of my wrist, I turned the volume up and marched over to the pole in front of him.

  Propping himself against the wall, he leered at me while I dusted my hands with chalk and took a deep breath. I gripped the pole and did a basic spin to get my nerves together.

  "Come on, woman, you’ve got better moves than that."

  “I’m doing what you want," I snapped. "But I’m not going to pretend I’m enjoying it. This is sick, Leo. You know my past."

  He raised an eyebrow. "Do I? Do I know anything about you?"

  I spun around the pole several times, before flipping upside down and hooking my knee around it, still spinning. Slowing down I stretched out my other leg and gripped the pole with both hands before doing the splits, and lowering myself to hold the pole between my thighs. "I’m the same girl you married. You’d know that if you’d listen."

  "Then tell me," he growled, keeping his gaze pinned on me. "Tell me why you ran, why you didn't even give me so much as a see you later."

  "I didn’t run, Leo." Upside down on the pole, I stared at him. "Brady found me. He took me from the hotel. Caged me, tortured me. I barely survived. The night he died, I almost lost my life."

  "That’s bullshit.” He stalked toward me and I pulled myself up to the top of the pole, my thigh and foot holding it as I stretched out my other leg and spun.

  He gripped the pole below me, his knuckles white against the chrome. "We were going to sort Brady out together. You wouldn’t have taken off with him, not if you loved me."

  I dropped out of the spin and flexed backwards to wrap my hands around my ankle. "Brady found me," I insisted, my heart slamming as he glared at me. "He came to the hotel room and he told me he was going to kill me."

  His eyes widened and he rubbed his fingers over the thick scruff on his jaw. “I don’t know, Lola.” He shook his head, wandered away from the pole, deep in thought. His bearing softened. "So you went with him? You didn’t think to scream for help? Or...I don’t know, surely you could have done something."

  Switching into a sit position, I gripped the pole with both hands and stifled the sob that threatened to bubble past the lump in my throat. Thinking about that day brought a fresh ache of loss. I wanted to shove it to the deepest corner of my mind, but Leo needed to know. "I offered him the money. I gave it to him and told him to leave." Squeezing my eyes shut, I covered my mouth as the whole thing played out again in my mind.

  He leered at me as he pocketed the cash, and then he grabbed me and threw me down on the bed. I scrambled backwards, my eyes wide while he loomed on me, but he didn’t come after me as I fell onto the floor. He only laughed.

  "Brady told me he wouldn’t kill me, because I’d given him the money, but… that I’d accrued interest from my little vacation and that… if I refused to go with him… he’d kill you."

  He pulled his 9mm then, brandishing it in my face. "Do you know how easy it would be to take out lover boy? He’s nothing but a fly, Lola, one shot and he’s gone forever." Then he smashed my cheek with the butt off the weapon. "Now go clean yourself up, girly. I can’t have you looking like that in public."

  No amount of squeezing my eyes shut could block him out completely. "I couldn’t let that happen, Leo. I had to go with him. I left my rings and a note in the bathroom."

  My eyes watered as I made my way to the bathroom but I refused to cry. My cheek was already bruising from where he’d hit me, but that pain was nothing compared to the way my heart broke. Gritting my teeth, I pulled my rings off my finger, sliding them into the top drawer of the cabinet. Tossing my makeup out on the counter, I found an eyeliner and wrote a note on toilet paper. I took a moment to gather my stuff, and squash down the pain in my heart. There was no point in being emotional. The days ahead were going to get a lot worse. Taking one last glance in the mirror, I steeled myself for what waited for me on the other side of the door. Opening it, I marched out to Brady and his bodyguard with one hope.

  Leo would come for me.

  His bearing shifted, as he stalked back to the pole. "Yeah, that was some note. Funny how at the time I didn't want to believe you really had conned me, but now that you're here, I know it was the truth."

  "Wait. What?"

  "Dear Leo." He smirked but it was a twisted thing, sharp as glass and yet the downturn of the corners of his mouth lent a heartbreaking sadness that matched his eyes. "It's been a fun couple of weeks, but I meant it when I told you I was only with you for the money. I am sorry I married you. I got caught up in the moment, I guess. But the truth—"

  "I didn't write that." I shook my head, my hand covering my mouth. "I left you a note, but that—"

  "Let me finish." There was a chill in his voice as he held his palm up. "I memorized the whole damn thing. The truth is I'm not the girl you think I am. Don't bother looking for me. This isn't my first go round with a man like you. You won't find me."

  "Please, Leo, I didn't write that. You have to believe me. Brady must have—"

  "Thanking me for the money was a nice touch, Lola. Real smooth." He gripped my ankle, his fingers biting into the tender skin. "So you'll forgive me for finding it hard to believe anything that comes out of your mouth."

  "I loved you, Leo. I love you. Brady took me, and I begged you to find me. I knew you would look for me, and I held onto that for so long." I pressed my forehead into the pole. "Brady must have swapped the note, because none of that is true. I never would have left you." I gulped as wet heat slipped over my cheeks and my mouth watered. "Why can't you believe that?"

  "Come here," he said gruffly.

  My heart leaped as I lowered myself down the pole. He was going to believe me. He still wanted me, loved me, and he would accept the truth.

  He rested his forehead against my hip, stopping me from lowering myself fully off the pole, and his warm breath fluttered over my skin before he planted a kiss to my side. "I loved you Lola. I don't think I'll ever get over that."

  "You don't have to. I'm here, Leo."

  His shoulders stiffened, his hard gaze landing on mine. "You're here are you, sweetheart? You're all mine?"

  "Yes." I wanted to throw myself into his arms. If I let go of the pole he would catch me, wind me around him and never let me go again.

  "The hell you are," he said with a growl. "You know I would almost believe you if I hadn't seen you fucking around with that guy last night."

  "What guy?" My heart fluttered sickeningly in my chest.

  "Don't try to fool me, Lola. You certainly knew who he was last night when you were shoving your tongue down his throat."

  "I don't know what you're talking about."

  "Tell me. Is he just another con, or does he get you all worked up like I do?"

  "Leo, listen to me." I raised my voice, trying to get him to stop. I shimmied down the pole, but he caught me before my feet hit the flo
or.

  His palm cupped my face as he leaned in so close, my breath hitched. "Were you thinking of me when he kissed you? He nipped my lip, his tongue flicking over the spot, and I trembled. "No one is ever going to kiss you like I can."

  There was no chance for me to respond before he assailed my mouth, his tongue slamming into mine and making demands that shattered me. He wrapped an arm around my waist in a tight, desperate embrace, fighting to hold onto me even as he verbally pushed me away.

  One finger traced the wetness on my panties. "You're always soaked for me, so ready to take what I have to offer. Whatever you're doing with him, I doubt he makes you hot like I do."

  "Please, Leo." My mind and body a haze of need, I was no longer sure if I was asking him to stop or begging him to go further.

  He pushed my panties aside to slide his fingers inside me, and I leaned back into his chest as my heart cracked, yet it wasn’t enough to stop my body from responding to his touch. I closed my eyes while he played my body, teasing and caressing as he drew an intense ache in my core. "How pathetic am I that you say please and I want you as much as I always did? You always were an addiction. No matter how much you ruin my life, I still come back for more. Well, I’m going to miss this, but it’s time to quit you," he whispered against my ear, and the edge in his voice made my heart thump. This would be the last time he'd touch me.

  "I can't let go of you, Leo. I need you."

  He growled as he slid both hands down my thighs and molded me into a split. "You don't need me. You're a con woman who doesn't care who she hurts."

  "That's not true. I do need you. I want you—"

  I clenched the pole tightly with both palms while he unzipped his pants and nudged my slit with his erection. "You only want this. My cock shoved deep inside your pussy."

  "Yes," I moaned, the heat of him so close made it hard to think, and then with a groan he pushed into me. "No, I mean I need you to let me prove to you that you're wrong. I don't ever want to let go of you."

  Gripping my legs, he held us frozen for a moment in a memorial to what should have been forever. "You can't. I see through you now. I'm letting you go and this time I'll manage to forget you."